Counseling to Help You Reconnect

Depression + Loneliness The thing that is worse than hurting is hurting alone. But there’s a difference in being alone and being lonely. Sometimes we experience extreme loneliness even when we’re surrounded by people. Loneliness is about an internal disconnection, not being known, not fitting in, not belonging, and feeling different. Alone means, literally isolated, no one around, standing in the middle of the woods where no one can hear you even if you screamed. Loneliness is an alarm like the fuel light on the dash alerting us that we’re nearing empty and need refilling. Part of what drives our depression is a denial of our loneliness and an attitude of “I don’t need anyone. I’m strong and independent. I SHOULD be able to handle this on my own.” That’s fine if you want to believe that, but if you ignore the fuel light for too long, you’re going to end up walking home. So what do we do about loneliness? Homework: I want you to ask, “Where do people like me hang out?” because, I guarantee, you’re not the only one struggling with this. • If you’re struggling as a mom with young kids, go find a mom with young kids to be with or even a slightly older mom who just exited that season and can encourage you. • If you’re a man struggling with a secret porn addiction, go to a SA or Celebrate Recovery meeting. There’s no shame there because you’re all there for the same reason. • Find a good counselor. Counselors are trained listeners, validators, encouragers, and connectors. A good counselor will help you put words to your loneliness and help you come up with a plan to meet the cravings of your heart’s desire in healthy ways.

The #1 Symptom of Depression If you find yourself beginning to isolate from others, then you may be teetering into high functioning depression. I put it as #1 because it can stir up a lot of the other symptoms. That’s because isolation does 3 things to us: 1. Isolation increases negative self-talk – • When I don’t have others around me who will challenge my negativity with the truth then I tend to assume my negativity is the truth. 2. Isolation decreases the chance of having positive experiences – • When I am by myself, the chances of new ideas, new encouragement, and new successes is limited. 3. Isolation creates a lack of accountability to achieve – • When I don’t have accountability to push me and to sharpen me, I often continue in the same dull direction. Proverbs says, “As Iron sharpens iron so does one man sharpen another.” If you find yourself creeping into depression, find ways of reconnecting. Homework: • Commit to getting back in church for 5 Sundays in a row. • Find a group of people who enjoy walking, biking, or going to the gym and join them. • Go grab lunch with a group of coworkers. And hey, if all else fails and you want to dig deeper, give me a call and we can get something scheduled.

What is High Functioning Depression? If you’re the person who gets crap done, shows up for your family, runs your business, and keeps pushing—even when you feel dead inside—this might hit home. You might be struggling with this thing called DEPRESSION. Maybe you’ve heard of it. It doesn’t always look like crying in bed or missing work. In fact, it often looks like achievement. Busyness. Holding it all together. But inside? You’re worn out. Numb. And starting to wonder if something’s wrong with you. Let’s talk about what this high-functioning form of depression IS and what it IS NOT. It’s NOT: • Laziness or weakness • Just being tired from a long week • Something you can fix by "sucking it up and pushing through” It IS: • Feeling emotionally flat or disconnected, even when life looks good • Going through the motions—parenting, working, providing—but not feeling present • Quietly wondering: “Why do I feel this way when I have so much?” You’re not broken—and you’re definitely not alone. High-functioning depression is real. And it’s more common than you think—especially in men who lead, provide, and never let anyone see them sweat. Homework: Take 5 minutes at the end of your day to answer this one question in a journal or your Notes app: “What did I feel today—beneath the work, the schedule, the routine?” You don’t have to keep white-knuckling your way through life. You can feel better. And we’ll talk more about how—right here, each week. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com

“Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl ought to be a must read for everyone because of its historical significance as well as the brilliance in what it teaches us. Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist during World War 2 and suffered imprisonment in a concentration camp for most of the war. The first half of the book is a detailed account of the horrors he suffered at the hand of the Nazi’s in the camps. What makes it most interesting is his perspective as an expert student in human behavior, not only of his captors, but also of his fellow sufferers. The second half of the book lays out his psychological theory. This is where it gets a little more geeky and heady. Out of his experiences, he developed what he termed “logotherapy,” which sought to help people find meaning in their lives. He believed that the absence of meaning is what leads to most mental health struggles. There are 3 ways in which we must derive meaning in life: 1. Contributing to the world through work, projects, or any form of creation that brings a sense of purpose. 2. Experiencing the world, including appreciating beauty, encountering love, and engaging with others. 3. Choosing a positive, responsible attitude towards unavoidable suffering, such as illness or loss. So go read this one. You’ll get a lot out of the first half about his experiences in the concentration camps even if you’re not a counseling nerd like me that is fascinated by logotherapy. “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl.

Depression The top two things people come to counseling for are Anxiety and Depression. Nothing else even comes close. Well I’ve given you all a mountain of anxiety tips and tricks so let’s tackle the other one. Depression… I hate depression! I’m going to go ahead and declare war on it right here from the start. Maybe you’re struggling with it yourself but I know that all of us at least know someone who is. Let’s face it, life sucks sometimes. If life hasn’t kicked your butt and wrestled you into submission yet, just wait; it will at some point. The “whys” behind the anxiety and depression are literally limitless because it’s unique and it’s very personal. But this idea of depression can mean 100 different things to 100 different people So I’m planning 12 weeks of ideas and topics related to depression. Now, this information isn’t therapy. These are going to brief and to the point and they’re starter ideas meant to spark ideas within you. We’re barely scratching the surface here AND most importantly, we’re talking mostly about high-functioning depression here. We’ll define that in another post. If you’re teetering on the edge of suicide, call someone right now. Don’t wait. We kind of like having you around and we’d like to keep you around for awhile. Call or Text 988 today and real live person will connect with you. But if you’re dragging through life and just want to run away and quit, you’re going to get some good stuff out of the next 12 weeks. Finally, the algorithms in internetlandia are all based upon interaction. If you want more people to see this stuff then share it, comment on it, and interact. I’d appreciate it and I’ll see you all next week. Homework: Think of a person in your life right now that could benefit from these upcoming posts. Do you think it might help them if you shared it with them?