Counseling to Help You Reconnect

Level 1b: Self-Trust After betrayal, many people don’t just lose trust in their partner, they lose trust in THEMSELVES. “Did I miss the signs?” “Was I naive?” “Can I ever trust my own judgment again?” Rebuilding self-trust is not about becoming fearful or suspicious of everyone. It’s about reconnecting with your perceptions, instincts, and internal signals and learning to respect them again. Maybe you sensed something was off but talked yourself out of it to preserve the relationship or the family. That doesn’t mean you’re bad it means you were trying to do the right thing and ended up getting bit. This level runs through EVERY stage of trust rebuilding. Even as your partner becomes more consistent, your work is to begin to listen to your inner self again. When self-trust grows, you’re no longer relying entirely on your partner’s behavior to feel safe. You begin to carry safety inside yourself again. For the partner who caused the harm: Be patient. Support your partner in regaining confidence in their own feelings and reality. Avoid defensiveness, minimizing, or anything that resembles gaslighting. For the betrayed partner: Practice trusting your instincts and emotional responses. Recall times when you listened to your gut well. Reestablish what you will and will not accept in a relationship and honor those boundaries consistently.

Level 1: Fractured Trust After a betrayal trust shattered. People in this level say, “Everything feels broken. I don’t know if I can ever trust again.” That makes sense, because betrayal doesn’t just hurt your heart; it disrupts your sense of reality and safety. But you’re still here; still considering what repair might look like. The fact that you haven’t walked away entirely says there’s a part of you that hopes healing might be possible. Level 1 is not about forgiveness or resolution. It’s not about moving on. It’s about honesty, stabilization, and finding safety again. This is also a time to avoid impulsive emotional decisions. You don’t have to decide the future today. You just have to survive today and take good care of yourself. You don’t have to know yet whether trust can be rebuilt. Right now, the only question is: Can we create enough safety for healing to begin? And that… is a powerful place to start. For the partner who caused the harm: Acknowledge the pain without defending, minimizing, or explaining it away. DO NOT SAY: “I didn’t mean to,” or “It wasn’t that bad,” or “You’re overreacting.” SAY THIS: “I see the damage. I take responsibility. I’m willing to repair.” Your tone, attitude, and consistency matter more than your words right now. For the betrayed partner: Your work is not to “get over it,” but to let the pain be real without letting it control your life. Try not to distract or numb yourself to the point that you can’t feel anything. This is where trusted friends, a good therapist, or a pastor can come alongside you to help.

Before we jump into the Levels of Trust, it's important that we have a good working definition of how to rebuild trust. "AUTHENTIC CONSISTENCY WITH TRANSPARENCY OVER TIME" Authentic - This cannot be manipulative, spiteful, fake, or contrived. It is humble, cheerful, and freely given. Consistency - Tell me what you're going to do and then do it. Transparency - Whatever you do, do it wide open. No hidden actions, agendas, or ulterior motives. Time - Do it over and over again for as long as it takes. Focus on this definition as we jump into the Levels next time!

REBUILDING TRUST TRUST is the foundation of any good human relationship. Can you feel that feeling in the pit of your stomach just thining about that time someone betrayed you? When TRUST is violated it is replaced with fear, anger, and sadness. So we're going to talk about several LEVELS OF TRUST that you can progress through and REBUILD TRUST in the coming weeks. Stay tuned. This is going to be a good one!

Depression + Professional Help So the big questions is: “How do I know when it’s time to go see a counselor about depression? When is it beyond just trying self-help strategies?” Only you know how you’re feeling internally but here are some signs that it’s time to reach out: • Suicidal thoughts – Call or Text 988 Immediately! • Can’t function with work – You don’t care that there may be consequences for poor performance and you’re slacking on deadlines • Parenting – You’ve given up on typical caretaking duties like healthy meals, cleaning up, or setting healthy boundaries with the kids • Finances – You have a “screw it” mentality where you stop budgeting and just spend to try to find happiness OR You stop paying bills altogether • Hygiene – Your personal hygiene tanks and you don’t care about brushing your teeth, bathing, wearing deodorant, etc. • Isolation – You’ve consistently been avoiding others and turning down attempts of friends and family to pull you out of your slump • Significant change in the way you normally function day to day Call a therapist if you want… • Accountability • An outside perspective • To dig deeper into the “why” • A judgement free zone • New ideas to try Before beginning medication, ask these questions: • “Hey doc! What is your philosophy on prescribing? (Conservative, Experimental, etc?) • “Hey doc! Is there a time limit to how long you will keep me on this medication? • “Hey doc! How will you be measuring how my progress and when to raise/lower dosage and begin or discontinue a medication?” • “Do I feel at peace with how the Dr. explained this medication?” • “Did the Dr. have the heart of a teacher or were they quick to prescribe without hearing me out?” • “Did the Dr. take time with me or rush in and rush out? • “Have I done my own research on the medications the Dr. is recommending?” Homework: If you’re not sure about any of the above, give me a call. I’ll happily do a FREE 15 Minute Consultation Call whether you want to come to see me or not. I’ll give you my professional opinion about what might be the next right step.