60 Second Marriage Recap - "You Can't Handle the Truth!"
Daniel Crosby • January 31, 2025
14. “You Can’t Handle the Truth!”
That’s a quote by Jack Nicholson. If you haven’t seen the move “A Few Good Men” then it’s a classic!
Ok, so what if I told you that your spouse is your best thermometer?
Don’t feel good? Feeling hot? “Let’s take your temperature and see if you have a fever.”
“I’m not sure if the turkey is done. Let’s check the temperature to see if it’s cooked all the way though.”
The thermometer doesn’t lie. It’s just a measure telling you what’s going on inside.
When it comes to our marriage, the person closest to us can be extremely important at giving us a reading at how we’re doing. The problem is this: In relationships, we’re often least likely to listen to agree with those who are closest to us.
Are you secure and humble enough to recognize that your spouse might be giving you a big ol’ dose of loving Truth? What about if what they’re saying is True even though they’re presenting it in a horribly unloving way? Maybe it’s still true.
Here are 3 ways to handle the hard truths:
1. Pick one part – “You might be right about that first part.”
Criticism is never easy to stomach, especially if it is delivered poorly, but consider 1 part of what your spouse said that might be true. This will help build a bridge of agreement.
2. Ask a question – “How would you have said it differently?”
Rather than defend or offer a rebuttal, ask a follow up or clarifying question to their criticism. It shows you’re engaged and willing to listen.
3. Thank your spouse for the feedback – “Thanks for telling me this rather than just holding it in and letting us get into one of those fights we usually get into. I’ll think more about what you said.”
Let them know that you’re safe to come to even if you disagree. Telling someone they’re wrong usually just creates alternating protests.
It’s Go Time:
The next time someone offers you some constructive (or not so constructive) feedback, try one of the above approaches and see if it doesn’t make the conversation go a lot more smoothly.
Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
Depression + Stagnation What do you do when you’re doing all the right things and still feel depression lingering? Depression isn’t an on/off switch that goes away overnight. It rarely gets better in an instant. There’s a progression to it. If you’re investing in some of the things we’re talking about in this series CONSISTENTLY then you’ll probably see some positive changes over time. In the meantime, try these ideas to help boost you out of your stagnation that you’re feeling. 1. Acknowledge progress over perfection. You didn’t get here overnight. Where did you begin and where are you now? What has improved? 2. Go serve someone else in a new way – Focusing on others is a good way to boost the way you feel about yourself. 3. Consider a shock to the system. A trip to a new place, a different therapist, a new hobby, a job change, or making a new friend can all make us feel alive again if we’re stagnant. Homework: Finish this statement: “In the last week, the thing I’m the most proud of myself for doing is_______.”
Depression + Sleep Struggles Sleep is one of the biggest struggles we face when we’re depressed. Oddly enough the diagnosis manual says “Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day” as one of the symptoms. Whether you can’t sleep at all or you’re sleeping all the time it can really rock your world. Maybe your mind is just spinning with all the jumble of thoughts in your head. Or maybe you have no energy and you’re struggling to just do the basics before going back to bed. Here are 3 ideas to get the sleep routine back on track: 1. Create a predictable wind-down ritual – Early dinner, Herbal tea, Warm bath, Good smelling lotion, Clean sheets and jammies. 2. Try “brain dump” journaling at night – Write down today’s wins and loses as well as tomorrow’s worries so your brain can let go of those things. You can relax better without ruminating on it because it’s written down. 3. Avoid doom scrolling— Replace screens with audio or soft light activity. Soothing. Uplifting reading. Devotional. Positive in/Positive out. If you must watch TV make sure it’s an emotion that competes with depression (funny!) Homework: Try a new bedtime strategy tonight and notice if it helps you wind down a little easier. Your brain and body will thank you tomorrow morning.
Depression + Guilt and Shame "I just hate telling my friends and family how I feel because I feel like such a burden. I’m sure they’re sick of hearing about it by now." One of the lies depression tells us is that we have to carry this thing by alone because no one else wants to help. Guilt and shame are the heaviest lies that we tend to carry but we fight lies with the truth: • Feelings aren’t always facts – Just because you feel like a burden doesn’t mean you are one. That’s what we in the biz call a cognitive distortion — your mind is offering its opinion as fact. • Asking for help is strength, not weakness – When my mom said, “Y’all come help me carry in the groceries,” I never thought she was weak. When we love each other asking for and receiving help should go both ways. It’s an honor to help not a burden. • Treat yourself like you’d treat a friend – If someone you loved felt the way you do, you wouldn’t tell them to keep it to themselves. You’d listen, support, and remind them they matter. You would even be mad at them for NOT telling you. You deserve the same. Homework: Identify your 3am friends. These are people you could call at 3am and they’d come running with no questions asked. If you don’t have any 3am people, then go back and read the post about finding the # 1 Symptom of Depression. It’s time to start building those connections.
