60 Second Marriage Recap - "You Can't Handle the Truth!"
Daniel Crosby • January 31, 2025
14. “You Can’t Handle the Truth!”
That’s a quote by Jack Nicholson. If you haven’t seen the move “A Few Good Men” then it’s a classic!
Ok, so what if I told you that your spouse is your best thermometer?
Don’t feel good? Feeling hot? “Let’s take your temperature and see if you have a fever.”
“I’m not sure if the turkey is done. Let’s check the temperature to see if it’s cooked all the way though.”
The thermometer doesn’t lie. It’s just a measure telling you what’s going on inside.
When it comes to our marriage, the person closest to us can be extremely important at giving us a reading at how we’re doing. The problem is this: In relationships, we’re often least likely to listen to agree with those who are closest to us.
Are you secure and humble enough to recognize that your spouse might be giving you a big ol’ dose of loving Truth? What about if what they’re saying is True even though they’re presenting it in a horribly unloving way? Maybe it’s still true.
Here are 3 ways to handle the hard truths:
1. Pick one part – “You might be right about that first part.”
Criticism is never easy to stomach, especially if it is delivered poorly, but consider 1 part of what your spouse said that might be true. This will help build a bridge of agreement.
2. Ask a question – “How would you have said it differently?”
Rather than defend or offer a rebuttal, ask a follow up or clarifying question to their criticism. It shows you’re engaged and willing to listen.
3. Thank your spouse for the feedback – “Thanks for telling me this rather than just holding it in and letting us get into one of those fights we usually get into. I’ll think more about what you said.”
Let them know that you’re safe to come to even if you disagree. Telling someone they’re wrong usually just creates alternating protests.
It’s Go Time:
The next time someone offers you some constructive (or not so constructive) feedback, try one of the above approaches and see if it doesn’t make the conversation go a lot more smoothly.
Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
Depression + Self-Talk Can you hear that little voice in your head? It’s the one when you’re at the grocery store and you were supposed to get 3 things and you can’t remember the 3rd thing. “Dang it, what was that last thing that I needed to get? It wasn’t milk because we have milk. Was it something in the produce section? Ugh, I can’t remember.” Psychologist Ethan Kross write a book about this called “Chatter.” Chatter is when normal factual self-talk changes to darker more accusatory and judgmental words. “You screw everything up. Can’t you ever do anything right?” “No one else struggles with this and here you are frozen and stuck in it doing the same stupid thing over and over again. You’re so pathetic.” Chatter is only going to fuel your depression. Here are 3 ways to quiet the chatter in your head: 1. Separate FACT from ASSUMPTION – • It can only officially be a FACT if someone else has literally said it to you. I heard a quote recently that said, “Imposter syndrome is the fear that other people are judging you as harshly as you are judging yourself.” They aren’t. 2. Identify Negative Beliefs and where they came from – • Negative Beliefs sound like “I” Statements. “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unworthy of love.” You might want to find a good counselor to help you work through these. 3. Journaling – • Write down a response to your own chatter as if you were responding to a friend who came to you asking your opinion about their inner voice. We’re usually kinder to others than we are to ourselves unfortunately. Homework: Take 60 seconds and think about which Negative Belief seems to pop up in your head most often to keep depression alive and well? We all have at least one. What’s yours?
Depression and Movement Alright, you knew it was coming. This is the 2nd most important way to beat depression. The 1st is Connection. You can’t beat this thing alone. The 2nd is Exercise or Movement. I say movement because when you’re struggling, you probably don’t feel like training for a marathon or joining a CrossFit gym. But when you don’t move at all, you don’t grow at all. Depression tells us to close the blinds and to lay in bed all day long in the dark accomplishing nothing. All that is going to do is stir up more Depression. Movement gives us a small goal to achieve and it get our muscles engaged and our blood and brain chemicals flowing again. You are just simply going to feel more alive. Here are 3 simple ways to start moving again: 1. Begin with gentle movement. • It doesn’t have to involve sweating • Try a yoga video on YouTube or just • Do 5 minutes of stretching 2. Set a reminder to do three 5-minute mood walks during the day • Walk around the building at work • Walk around the house on a rainy day • Notice your breath and the cadence of your arms and legs swinging back and forth 3. Make movement enjoyable • Walk to an enjoyable destination like the local bakery or to your favorite spot on the greenway to get a picture of a waterfall • Listen to your favorite music or podcast • Socialize while moving like the old ladies power walking at the mall Homework: Try doing some sort of new movement this week that’s out of the norm for you and let the rest of us know what you did and if it made you feel better.
Depression + Routine Habits Ask any Kindergarten teacher if structure and routine is important. I think we crave comfort and consistency of what we know because it makes us feel safe. We like our favorite food at our favorite restaurant and we sit in the same place at church most of the time. But when depression hits, it can throw off our healthy routines and even spiral us into unhealthy habits. If you’re battling some depression you might be letting some stuff slide, like cleaning the house, eating healthy, or getting to work on time. 3 Ways to Reignite Healthy Routines: 1. Write it down – • Write down a checklist of to-do items the night before for what I plan to accomplish the next day. These can be big goal like filing your taxes or small personal hygiene goals like brushing your teeth. 2. Use accountability – • Piggyback onto someone else’s routine. If you know your buddy goes to the gym every morning at 5am, ask if he will call you every morning for a month until you create your own habit. 3. Reward consistency, not intensity, growth, or perfection – • We’re looking for reps. So what if you didn’t talk to anyone at church or sign up to serve in the children’s ministry. You showed up 5 Sundays in a row! That’s fantastic! Now go get ice cream! Homework: Pick one thing you need to get back into the routine of doing and try one of ideas above and tell us how you did.
