Do This ONE Thing to Improve Your Marriage (3 Minute Read)

Daniel Crosby • November 21, 2022

Every car needs maintenance. Even a brand-new car that still has that great smell needs the oil changed and the tires rotated every so often. Being intentional about car maintenance keeps that car running great for many years to come.

But what about our marriage? Life gets busy and we often don’t do that same intentional maintenance to keep our marriage running smoothly.

The MOST important regular maintenance to do on your marriage is spending quality time together.

Therefore, continuing to date your spouse is key. I often tell couples with kids that you are certainly Mom and Dad now that you have kids. You’re also Husband and Wife and run the “family business” together. The role we often let fall by the wayside is continuing that Boyfriend and Girlfriend relationship even after years of marriage and parenting kids.

You need new adventures together.

I define a date as a pre-planned time that is intentionally set aside to do an activity together. This is NOT a date: “Hey, I’m starving. Want to grab a burger on the way home?”

I challenge couples to plan 10 dates per year, one each month. Each spouse should pick 5 activities (2 hours) that they would like to do with their spouse. Write your activities down on strips of paper and do a drawing on the first day of the month of what your date activity will be that month.

The other 2 months will be your anniversary month and 6 months from your anniversary month. Those months’ dates will consist of a short overnight activity out of town. Go within a day’s drive and see some new sights. It doesn’t have to break the bank. Go to Chattanooga to the TN Aquarium. Go to Memphis and eat BBQ. Go to Gatlinburg and walk the strip.

Here are some quick date ideas to get you started:

1. Have dinner at a restaurant in The Avenue that neither of you have tried yet. Follow that up with some good old-fashioned bowling at LTA or Strike and Spare.

2. Grab a cup of coffee at Joanie’s, Brass Horn, or Just Love and bring a pack of Uno cards. The best out of 5 games wins bragging rights.

3. Grab a burger at Busters or Jack Browns and then exercise your inner lumberjack at one of the axe throwing places.

4. Get a healthy smoothie at Vibe Nutrition or a bowl at Boro Bowls or The Boro Juice Bar on a Saturday morning and go for a walk on the greenway.

Send me your ideas of what you and your spouse love to do for dates.

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60 Second Marriage Recap - Call a Cease Fire

By Daniel Crosby • February 21, 2025

17. Call a Cease Fire The problem with retaliation and revenge is that it becomes perpetual. My attack causes your counterattack causes my sneak attack causes you to launch your nukes and so on. This cycle only stops when one of two things happens. Either one of us destroys the other and the marriage or one of us decides to stop retaliating. I’m challenging you, the one hearing this, to be the one to choose to stop. Here are three ways to stop the ongoing attacks: 1. Put down your gun – This means taking a deep breath, lowering your voice, and sitting down if you’re standing or pacing. In essence, become less of a threat. 2. Surrender…sort of – Waving the white flag isn’t necessarily defeat if you think of it as living to fight another day. Say things like, “I’m tired of fighting.” “I need to stop talking about this for now.” “We can’t keep doing this.” (Refer back to our timeout topic earlier) 3. Begin peace talks – State what’s true like: “I know we love each other AND I also know that we totally disagree about this AND I know there’s a place we can come to an agreement on AND I know right now is not the time to keep going in circles AND I want to talk about it tonight when I get home around 6:30 if you’re willing.” Go Time: Which one of you is the more mature one that is going to choose to stop the cycle? Trick Question! No one wants to be the less mature one. If you’re both trying to be the mature one then this thing might just work out ok! Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com

"The Greatest Generation" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • February 19, 2025

“The Greatest Generation” by Tom Brokaw ought to be required reading for every high school student. Part of the challenges we have in our time today is that we’ve had it too easy. Not true of The Greatest Generation. Brokaw interviews dozens of the generation that lived through The Great Depression and then went on to serve in World War II. As you read their stories, there is just something different about them. They had to grow up fast and they were accustomed to struggle, hard work, and gratitude. What the lacked was laziness, entitlement, and passing the buck to the next guy. I often marvel when I hear stories about that generation, men and women who lied about their ages so they could join the military early and go to Europe or the Pacific and fight for freedom. Their sense of duty was inspiring. Unfortunately, most of that generation is gone. There are less than 1% of World War II veterans still alive today. Brokaw’s book keeps their wisdom alive though as we can still learn from them. We have a lot to learn from them if we are to keep this great experiment called America still moving forward. If you want a good book that will wow you and maybe humble you a little then go pick up “The Greatest Generation” by Tom Brokaw.

Help Heal My Marriage - 17. Call a Cease Fire

By Daniel Crosby • February 17, 2025

17. Call a Cease Fire The problem with retaliation and revenge is that it becomes perpetual. My attack causes your counterattack causes my sneak attack causes you to launch your nukes and so on. This cycle only stops when one of two things happens. Either one of us destroys the other and the marriage or one of us decides to stop retaliating. I’m challenging you, the one hearing this, to be the one to choose to stop. Here are three ways to stop the ongoing attacks: 1. Put down your gun – This means taking a deep breath, lowering your voice, and sitting down if you’re standing or pacing. In essence, become less of a threat. 2. Surrender…sort of – Waving the white flag isn’t necessarily defeat if you think of it as living to fight another day. Say things like, “I’m tired of fighting.” “I need to stop talking about this for now.” “We can’t keep doing this.” (Refer back to our timeout topic earlier) 3. Begin peace talks – State what’s true like: “I know we love each other AND I also know that we totally disagree about this AND I know there’s a place we can come to an agreement on AND I know right now is not the time to keep going in circles AND I want to talk about it tonight when I get home around 6:30 if you’re willing.” Go Time: Which one of you is the more mature one that is going to choose to stop the cycle? Trick Question! No one wants to be the less mature one. If you’re both trying to be the mature one then this thing might just work out ok! Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com