How to Cope With Tragedy (3 Minute Read)
Daniel Crosby • March 28, 2023

THE PROBLEM:

Whether it’s a natural disaster like the recent tornadoes in Mississippi or a community tragedy like the recent school shooting in Nashville, we’re left reeling and wrestling with what to do with the pain and hurt. Where do we turn for answers?


THE CONNECTION:

The most important thing we need right now is one another. We need connection. These are situations that no one can understand and to feel confusion in the midst of them is…human.


If you’re feeling angry, confused, sad, or hopeless then:


  • You are just like the rest of us - There’s no script for these tragedies or how to respond perfectly. No one has this all figured out. It doesn’t make sense to any of us and we’re all sighing in frustration.
  • You are probably functioning just like God designed you to function. Your confusion comes from the way God wired you to problem solve yet your brain and heart can’t line up and solve this.
  • You feel compelled to do something but you don’t know what to do.


THE KIDS:

It becomes even more challenging to know how to help our kids manage it because they certainly feel out of control.


  • Your kids want your permission to feel what they’re feeling. They don’t know what to feel or may wonder if what they’re feeling is right or not.
  • Tell your kids WHAT you’re feeling whether it’s sadness, anger, or confusion. It’s good to show weakness and vulnerability to your kids. Putting on a strong and stoic front could send the message that having painful feelings is wrong.
  • Tell them WHY you’re feeling that way. It sometimes helps others if we use language that can help them label something that may feel unidentifiable to them.
  • It’s ok if you don’t know the answer to their question. Let them know that they’re not in it alone. We’re both feeling it together.
  • Reassure them that they’re safe with you and they can come to you to talk about what they’re feeling anytime.
  • Don’t make it a one-off conversation. Check back in with them regularly in the coming days and weeks.


THE SOLUTION:

It’s normal to feel outrage and want to begin pointing fingers to find out who is responsible. This will happen in the coming days and weeks. Just wait for the news media and politicians to begin to capitalize on this tragedy.


“It’s the Republicans’ fault for not passing more gun control legislation.”


“It’s the Democrats’ fault for propagating a culture of mental health brokenness and confusion.”


“It’s the school’s fault for not having a gated campus with a safety fence around the whole property to keep people out.” (Yep, I saw this one on social media already.)

 

I think back to 9/11 when tragedy struck and we briefly became a people more focused on God. For a moment, He became the solution. There’s something wired into us that makes us want to look to something or Someone bigger than ourselves when things feel out of control. Deep down we want to know we don’t have to be control. Humanity struggles when we try to be our own gods.


The solution is CONNECTION:

with our hurt,

with our loved ones,

with our God.


THE FINAL WORD:

I say it often: “The thing that is worse than hurting it hurting alone.”


Grab someone today and hug them. Put aside a petty squabble that you’ve been hanging onto, apologize, and move on. Call a friend or a family member and tell them you love them.


Most of all, look to God who is the One who is able to empathize with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15) and who is close to us when we are brokenhearted and saves us when we are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).

Rebuilding Trust - Level 3 - Words + Actions Trust

By Daniel Crosby • March 10, 2026
Level 3: Words + Actions Trust At this stage, trust begins to deepen beyond proof. The betrayed partner is no longer just asking, “Are you doing the right thing?” but also, “Do you understand what this did to me?” Words matter but only when they match consistent actions. Apologies without empathy feel hollow. Empathy without follow-through feels unsafe. Healing requires both. This is the level where emotional repair becomes central for the partner who caused the harm. – Can you listen without defending? – Can you take ownership without shifting blame? – Can you respond to pain without shutting down or counterattacking? For the betrayed partner, this stage is a shift from testing to expressing. Instead of checking to see if your partner behaved or met your standard, begin directly saying what hurts, what you need, and what helps. This is vulnerable work. It requires risking disappointment — but also opens the door to real repair. Triggers will still come. Memories will still surface. But instead of storing them as evidence to protect yourself later, this stage invites you to bring the hurt into the light where we can work on it together rather then letting it fester and turn into resentment. Trust at this level grows when: – Hurt is spoken instead of hidden. – Repair is attempted instead of avoided. – Consistency replaces defensiveness. This is where trust begins to feel less mechanical and more relational. For the partner who caused the harm: Speak with empathy, take ownership, and show consistent follow-through. Don’t just explain, try to understand and help your partner heal through action. For the betrayed partner: Express hurt and needs directly rather than testing your partner. Begin allowing repair efforts to matter. State your triggers instead of storing them up as evidence for protection later.

Rebuilding Trust - Level 2 - Substitute Trust

By Daniel Crosby • March 3, 2026
Level 2: Substitute Trust At this stage, trust is still really shaky. Many betrayed partners say, “Show me. I need proof. I want to see your phone, your location, your actions.” Think of Substitute Trust like a cast on a broken bone. It’s not a replacement for bone itself, but it holds the bone in place while it heals. When transparency is offered voluntarily it tells the injured partner, “You don’t have to chase the truth. I’m bringing it to you.” When a hurting person has to demand transparency, it causes more distrust and paranoia. For the betrayed partner, the goal is not to eliminate fear it’s to reduce chaos. Proof can bring relief, but it’s important to notice when checking becomes a way to regulate anxiety rather than restore connection. Substitute trust should support healing, not replace it. This stage works best when both partners understand that transparency is not punishment. It protects the relationship, emotional safety, and gives us momentum to keep growing. Over time the need for constant proof should slowly decrease, not because you’re forcing yourself to stop checking, but because your nervous system no longer needs it as much. For the partner who caused the harm: Practice radical transparency. Voluntarily offer proof rather than waiting to be asked. C onsistency matters more than one-time disclosures. For the betrayed partner: Use transparency as a temporary support for safety, not a permanent way to regulate anxiety or gain certainty. Be honest about whether the proof you seek is truly helping or becoming a crutch.

Rebuilding Trust - Level 1b - Self-Trust

By Daniel Crosby • February 24, 2026
Level 1b: Self-Trust After betrayal, many people don’t just lose trust in their partner, they lose trust in THEMSELVES. “Did I miss the signs?” “Was I naive?” “Can I ever trust my own judgment again?” Rebuilding self-trust is not about becoming fearful or suspicious of everyone. It’s about reconnecting with your perceptions, instincts, and internal signals and learning to respect them again. Maybe you sensed something was off but talked yourself out of it to preserve the relationship or the family. That doesn’t mean you’re bad it means you were trying to do the right thing and ended up getting bit. This level runs through EVERY stage of trust rebuilding. Even as your partner becomes more consistent, your work is to begin to listen to your inner self again. When self-trust grows, you’re no longer relying entirely on your partner’s behavior to feel safe. You begin to carry safety inside yourself again. For the partner who caused the harm: Be patient. Support your partner in regaining confidence in their own feelings and reality. Avoid defensiveness, minimizing, or anything that resembles gaslighting. For the betrayed partner: Practice trusting your instincts and emotional responses. Recall times when you listened to your gut well. Reestablish what you will and will not accept in a relationship and honor those boundaries consistently.