THE PROBLEM:
Whether it’s a natural disaster like the recent tornadoes in Mississippi or a community tragedy like the recent school shooting in Nashville, we’re left reeling and wrestling with what to do with the pain and hurt. Where do we turn for answers?
THE CONNECTION:
The most important thing we need right now is one another. We need connection. These are situations that no one can understand and to feel confusion in the midst of them is…human.
If you’re feeling angry, confused, sad, or hopeless then:
- You are just like the rest of us - There’s no script for these tragedies or how to respond perfectly. No one has this all figured out. It doesn’t make sense to any of us and we’re all sighing in frustration.
- You are probably functioning just like God designed you to function. Your confusion comes from the way God wired you to problem solve yet your brain and heart can’t line up and solve this.
- You feel compelled to do something but you don’t know what to do.
THE KIDS:
It becomes even more challenging to know how to help our kids manage it because they certainly feel out of control.
- Your kids want your permission to feel what they’re feeling. They don’t know what to feel or may wonder if what they’re feeling is right or not.
- Tell your kids WHAT you’re feeling whether it’s sadness, anger, or confusion. It’s good to show weakness and vulnerability to your kids. Putting on a strong and stoic front could send the message that having painful feelings is wrong.
- Tell them WHY you’re feeling that way. It sometimes helps others if we use language that can help them label something that may feel unidentifiable to them.
- It’s ok if you don’t know the answer to their question. Let them know that they’re not in it alone. We’re both feeling it together.
- Reassure them that they’re safe with you and they can come to you to talk about what they’re feeling anytime.
- Don’t make it a one-off conversation. Check back in with them regularly in the coming days and weeks.
THE SOLUTION:
It’s normal to feel outrage and want to begin pointing fingers to find out who is responsible. This will happen in the coming days and weeks. Just wait for the news media and politicians to begin to capitalize on this tragedy.
“It’s the Republicans’ fault for not passing more gun control legislation.”
“It’s the Democrats’ fault for propagating a culture of mental health brokenness and confusion.”
“It’s the school’s fault for not having a gated campus with a safety fence around the whole property to keep people out.” (Yep, I saw this one on social media already.)
I think back to 9/11 when tragedy struck and we briefly became a people more focused on God. For a moment, He became the solution. There’s something wired into us that makes us want to look to something or Someone bigger than ourselves when things feel out of control. Deep down we want to know we don’t have to be control. Humanity struggles when we try to be our own gods.
The solution is CONNECTION:
with our hurt,
with our loved ones,
with our God.
THE FINAL WORD:
I say it often: “The thing that is worse than hurting it hurting alone.”
Grab someone today and hug them. Put aside a petty squabble that you’ve been hanging onto, apologize, and move on. Call a friend or a family member and tell them you love them.
Most of all, look to God who is the One who is able to empathize with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15) and who is close to us when we are brokenhearted and saves us when we are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).
