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How to Deal with Grief and Loss in a Marriage (90 Second Read)
Daniel Crosby • June 13, 2023

Day 13


How to Deal with Grief and Loss in a Marriage (90 Second Read)


If you’re married long enough, you’re going to deal with grief and loss with your spouse.


It could be loss of a parent, loss of a job, loss of a child, or many other things that life throws at us.


There are three things that are pivotal between married spouses to help during these tough times.


1. MERCY – Mercy is the idea that we are lenient and compassionate to our spouse who isn’t at their best right now. If your spouse has a short temper, they aren’t as productive around the house as they usually are, or their mind just seems preoccupied with other things show them mercy. Let things slide and give them space. You may have to pick up the slack a little for awhile.


2. ENCOURAGEMENT – When we’re grieving a loss it is draining. Emotionally, mentally, and physically your spouse will be zapped of energy and motivation. That means they need to borrow some encouragement from you. Offer more love, positivity, and closeness if they need help filling up their heart.


3. TIME – It takes time. Our culture sucks at grief and loss. It’s a day or two of bereavement leave and then we’re expected to be back at 100%. How long is long enough to show extra mercy and be extra encouraging? Every situation is different but it’s probably longer than you think. Everyone grieves at a different pace. Check in with one another and ask, “How are you doing?” Give the other person a chance to be real and vulnerable about where they are in the process.


***Note: In the event of the loss of a child, both spouses will be going through this at the same time. Trouble comes when each spouse expects the other to grieve like them or on their timeline. Mercy, Encouragement, and Time become that much more important in these instances.


HOMEWORK: If you’re spouse in the midst of dealing with a loss, gently ask your them what you could do that would help. If they don’t know, you can’t go wrong with lovingly checking in on them every so often to show that you still care and you’re supporting them through it.


As always, if you’re stuck then don’t hesitate to reach out to me personally. I help couples reconnect every day and get back on track to having a marriage they’re excited to go home to.

By Daniel Crosby February 21, 2025
17. Call a Cease Fire The problem with retaliation and revenge is that it becomes perpetual. My attack causes your counterattack causes my sneak attack causes you to launch your nukes and so on. This cycle only stops when one of two things happens. Either one of us destroys the other and the marriage or one of us decides to stop retaliating. I’m challenging you, the one hearing this, to be the one to choose to stop. Here are three ways to stop the ongoing attacks: 1. Put down your gun – This means taking a deep breath, lowering your voice, and sitting down if you’re standing or pacing. In essence, become less of a threat. 2. Surrender…sort of – Waving the white flag isn’t necessarily defeat if you think of it as living to fight another day. Say things like, “I’m tired of fighting.” “I need to stop talking about this for now.” “We can’t keep doing this.” (Refer back to our timeout topic earlier) 3. Begin peace talks – State what’s true like: “I know we love each other AND I also know that we totally disagree about this AND I know there’s a place we can come to an agreement on AND I know right now is not the time to keep going in circles AND I want to talk about it tonight when I get home around 6:30 if you’re willing.” Go Time: Which one of you is the more mature one that is going to choose to stop the cycle? Trick Question! No one wants to be the less mature one. If you’re both trying to be the mature one then this thing might just work out ok! Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
By Daniel Crosby February 19, 2025
“The Greatest Generation” by Tom Brokaw ought to be required reading for every high school student. Part of the challenges we have in our time today is that we’ve had it too easy. Not true of The Greatest Generation. Brokaw interviews dozens of the generation that lived through The Great Depression and then went on to serve in World War II. As you read their stories, there is just something different about them. They had to grow up fast and they were accustomed to struggle, hard work, and gratitude. What the lacked was laziness, entitlement, and passing the buck to the next guy. I often marvel when I hear stories about that generation, men and women who lied about their ages so they could join the military early and go to Europe or the Pacific and fight for freedom. Their sense of duty was inspiring. Unfortunately, most of that generation is gone. There are less than 1% of World War II veterans still alive today. Brokaw’s book keeps their wisdom alive though as we can still learn from them. We have a lot to learn from them if we are to keep this great experiment called America still moving forward. If you want a good book that will wow you and maybe humble you a little then go pick up “The Greatest Generation” by Tom Brokaw.
By Daniel Crosby February 17, 2025
17. Call a Cease Fire The problem with retaliation and revenge is that it becomes perpetual. My attack causes your counterattack causes my sneak attack causes you to launch your nukes and so on. This cycle only stops when one of two things happens. Either one of us destroys the other and the marriage or one of us decides to stop retaliating. I’m challenging you, the one hearing this, to be the one to choose to stop. Here are three ways to stop the ongoing attacks: 1. Put down your gun – This means taking a deep breath, lowering your voice, and sitting down if you’re standing or pacing. In essence, become less of a threat. 2. Surrender…sort of – Waving the white flag isn’t necessarily defeat if you think of it as living to fight another day. Say things like, “I’m tired of fighting.” “I need to stop talking about this for now.” “We can’t keep doing this.” (Refer back to our timeout topic earlier) 3. Begin peace talks – State what’s true like: “I know we love each other AND I also know that we totally disagree about this AND I know there’s a place we can come to an agreement on AND I know right now is not the time to keep going in circles AND I want to talk about it tonight when I get home around 6:30 if you’re willing.” Go Time: Which one of you is the more mature one that is going to choose to stop the cycle? Trick Question! No one wants to be the less mature one. If you’re both trying to be the mature one then this thing might just work out ok! Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
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