Day 13
How to Deal with Grief and Loss in a Marriage (90 Second Read)
If you’re married long enough, you’re going to deal with grief and loss with your spouse.
It could be loss of a parent, loss of a job, loss of a child, or many other things that life throws at us.
There are three things that are pivotal between married spouses to help during these tough times.
1. MERCY – Mercy is the idea that we are lenient and compassionate to our spouse who isn’t at their best right now. If your spouse has a short temper, they aren’t as productive around the house as they usually are, or their mind just seems preoccupied with other things show them mercy. Let things slide and give them space. You may have to pick up the slack a little for awhile.
2. ENCOURAGEMENT – When we’re grieving a loss it is draining. Emotionally, mentally, and physically your spouse will be zapped of energy and motivation. That means they need to borrow some encouragement from you. Offer more love, positivity, and closeness if they need help filling up their heart.
3. TIME – It takes time. Our culture sucks at grief and loss. It’s a day or two of bereavement leave and then we’re expected to be back at 100%. How long is long enough to show extra mercy and be extra encouraging? Every situation is different but it’s probably longer than you think. Everyone grieves at a different pace. Check in with one another and ask, “How are you doing?” Give the other person a chance to be real and vulnerable about where they are in the process.
***Note: In the event of the loss of a child, both spouses will be going through this at the same time. Trouble comes when each spouse expects the other to grieve like them or on their timeline. Mercy, Encouragement, and Time become that much more important in these instances.
HOMEWORK: If you’re spouse in the midst of dealing with a loss, gently ask your them what you could do that would help. If they don’t know, you can’t go wrong with lovingly checking in on them every so often to show that you still care and you’re supporting them through it.
As always, if you’re stuck then don’t hesitate to reach out to me personally. I help couples reconnect every day and get back on track to having a marriage they’re excited to go home to.
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