How to Survive Raising Kids Together in a Marriage (90 Second Read)

Daniel Crosby • June 13, 2023

Day 8

Full disclosure, I don’t personally have children. However, there are a lot of parenting patterns that I’ve seen over the years of working with couples that seem to work and some that don’t.

Whether It’s parenting, coparenting, or step parenting here are 3 tips and tricks that make all the difference.

1. CONSISTENCY

Your kids need consistency from parent to parent, and in instances of divorce, from home to home. As much possible, try to parent by the same standards. One of the most destructive things for a child is to live in confusion where there are no concrete limits. If mom says, “No soda after 7pm” but dad sneaks the child a Coke and gummy bears in the garage then that creates tension. Kids need to know that mom and dad are a solid team that puts their wellbeing before mom and dad’s differences of opinion.

2. POSITIVE EXPLORATION

The phrase “You can be anything you want to be” is complete garbage. No you can’t. From the day I was born, there’s no chance I would ever play in the NBA. Instead of telling your kids that, help them explore many things to help them find their niche and their group. I did swim lessons, soccer, piano lessons, football, school chorus, school plays, basketball, track, and cross country before I realized that I loved running. Most of those other things lasted 1 season at best. Let your kids try a lot of things and encourage them as they explore.

3. FAILURE + LOVE

Let your kids fail. When I say FAIL, I’m not talking about catastrophic failure. If your teen has been drinking and wants to go out for a drive, then wrestle them to the ground to take away the car keys! If they’re determined not to study for that math test, however, then let them feel the weight of that big red “F” on the paper. If you protect your kids from failing, then they’ll never learn how to be resilient. When the failure happens, pull them in with all your love and help them explore a better option.

HOMEWORK: What areas of parenting do you and your spouse disagree on? Is there a way to connect and, at least, agree on these three ideas above?

As always, if you’re stuck then don’t hesitate to reach out to me personally. I help couples reconnect every day and get back on track to having a marriage they’re excited to go home to.

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60 Second Marriage Recap - Call a Cease Fire

By Daniel Crosby • February 21, 2025

17. Call a Cease Fire The problem with retaliation and revenge is that it becomes perpetual. My attack causes your counterattack causes my sneak attack causes you to launch your nukes and so on. This cycle only stops when one of two things happens. Either one of us destroys the other and the marriage or one of us decides to stop retaliating. I’m challenging you, the one hearing this, to be the one to choose to stop. Here are three ways to stop the ongoing attacks: 1. Put down your gun – This means taking a deep breath, lowering your voice, and sitting down if you’re standing or pacing. In essence, become less of a threat. 2. Surrender…sort of – Waving the white flag isn’t necessarily defeat if you think of it as living to fight another day. Say things like, “I’m tired of fighting.” “I need to stop talking about this for now.” “We can’t keep doing this.” (Refer back to our timeout topic earlier) 3. Begin peace talks – State what’s true like: “I know we love each other AND I also know that we totally disagree about this AND I know there’s a place we can come to an agreement on AND I know right now is not the time to keep going in circles AND I want to talk about it tonight when I get home around 6:30 if you’re willing.” Go Time: Which one of you is the more mature one that is going to choose to stop the cycle? Trick Question! No one wants to be the less mature one. If you’re both trying to be the mature one then this thing might just work out ok! Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com

"The Greatest Generation" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • February 19, 2025

“The Greatest Generation” by Tom Brokaw ought to be required reading for every high school student. Part of the challenges we have in our time today is that we’ve had it too easy. Not true of The Greatest Generation. Brokaw interviews dozens of the generation that lived through The Great Depression and then went on to serve in World War II. As you read their stories, there is just something different about them. They had to grow up fast and they were accustomed to struggle, hard work, and gratitude. What the lacked was laziness, entitlement, and passing the buck to the next guy. I often marvel when I hear stories about that generation, men and women who lied about their ages so they could join the military early and go to Europe or the Pacific and fight for freedom. Their sense of duty was inspiring. Unfortunately, most of that generation is gone. There are less than 1% of World War II veterans still alive today. Brokaw’s book keeps their wisdom alive though as we can still learn from them. We have a lot to learn from them if we are to keep this great experiment called America still moving forward. If you want a good book that will wow you and maybe humble you a little then go pick up “The Greatest Generation” by Tom Brokaw.

Help Heal My Marriage - 17. Call a Cease Fire

By Daniel Crosby • February 17, 2025

17. Call a Cease Fire The problem with retaliation and revenge is that it becomes perpetual. My attack causes your counterattack causes my sneak attack causes you to launch your nukes and so on. This cycle only stops when one of two things happens. Either one of us destroys the other and the marriage or one of us decides to stop retaliating. I’m challenging you, the one hearing this, to be the one to choose to stop. Here are three ways to stop the ongoing attacks: 1. Put down your gun – This means taking a deep breath, lowering your voice, and sitting down if you’re standing or pacing. In essence, become less of a threat. 2. Surrender…sort of – Waving the white flag isn’t necessarily defeat if you think of it as living to fight another day. Say things like, “I’m tired of fighting.” “I need to stop talking about this for now.” “We can’t keep doing this.” (Refer back to our timeout topic earlier) 3. Begin peace talks – State what’s true like: “I know we love each other AND I also know that we totally disagree about this AND I know there’s a place we can come to an agreement on AND I know right now is not the time to keep going in circles AND I want to talk about it tonight when I get home around 6:30 if you’re willing.” Go Time: Which one of you is the more mature one that is going to choose to stop the cycle? Trick Question! No one wants to be the less mature one. If you’re both trying to be the mature one then this thing might just work out ok! Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com