The Importance of Trust and Respect in a Marriage (90 Second Read)
Daniel Crosby • June 13, 2023

Day 1


The Importance of Trust and Respect in a Marriage (90 Second Read)

 

Trust and Respect are two of the most frequented reasons couples come to counseling.


“I just feel like after what he did, I’ll never be able to TRUST him again.”


“I just think she has absolutely no RESPECT for me and all that I do to help our family.”


Without trust and respect, a marriage is limited in how much longer it can survive.


TRUST


A lack of TRUST is rooted in a lack of SAFETY. Our super-efficient brains work to keep us safe by calculating the future based upon the past. When you’ve hurt me in the past, all my alarm bells go off in my head screaming DANGER DANGER!


The formula for rebuilding trust is simple (but also excruciatingly slow at times):

1. Admit your mistake and show the other person that you see how badly it hurt them.

2. Prove yourself to be safe consistently over time by doing the right thing over and over and over.


RESPECT


A lack of RESPECT is rooted in a lack of ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. Everyone wants to be seen and admired for something. When you feel like your efforts go unnoticed or that your contribution doesn’t matter then you’re going to feel disrespected.


The formula for growing respect is also simple:

1. Catch your spouse doing something good and praise them OUT LOUD.

2. Read #1 again! (You’d be amazed at how many husbands and wives I meet that will tell me all the amazing things they think about their spouse but then never say it OUT LOUD.)

3. Extra points if you praise your spouse publicly in front of friends or family.


HOMEWORK: Rank the level of Trust and Respect in your marriage on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best. Based on your results, what’s your next step?


As always, if you’re stuck then don’t hesitate to reach out to me personally. I help couples reconnect every day and get back on track to having a marriage they’re excited to go home to.

Depression and Stagnation

By Daniel Crosby • October 20, 2025
Depression + Stagnation What do you do when you’re doing all the right things and still feel depression lingering? Depression isn’t an on/off switch that goes away overnight. It rarely gets better in an instant. There’s a progression to it. If you’re investing in some of the things we’re talking about in this series CONSISTENTLY then you’ll probably see some positive changes over time. In the meantime, try these ideas to help boost you out of your stagnation that you’re feeling. 1. Acknowledge progress over perfection. You didn’t get here overnight. Where did you begin and where are you now? What has improved? 2. Go serve someone else in a new way – Focusing on others is a good way to boost the way you feel about yourself. 3. Consider a shock to the system. A trip to a new place, a different therapist, a new hobby, a job change, or making a new friend can all make us feel alive again if we’re stagnant. Homework: Finish this statement: “In the last week, the thing I’m the most proud of myself for doing is_______.”
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Depression and Sleep Strugles

By Daniel Crosby • October 13, 2025
Depression + Sleep Struggles Sleep is one of the biggest struggles we face when we’re depressed. Oddly enough the diagnosis manual says “Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day” as one of the symptoms. Whether you can’t sleep at all or you’re sleeping all the time it can really rock your world. Maybe your mind is just spinning with all the jumble of thoughts in your head. Or maybe you have no energy and you’re struggling to just do the basics before going back to bed. Here are 3 ideas to get the sleep routine back on track: 1. Create a predictable wind-down ritual – Early dinner, Herbal tea, Warm bath, Good smelling lotion, Clean sheets and jammies. 2. Try “brain dump” journaling at night – Write down today’s wins and loses as well as tomorrow’s worries so your brain can let go of those things. You can relax better without ruminating on it because it’s written down. 3. Avoid doom scrolling— Replace screens with audio or soft light activity. Soothing. Uplifting reading. Devotional. Positive in/Positive out. If you must watch TV make sure it’s an emotion that competes with depression (funny!) Homework: Try a new bedtime strategy tonight and notice if it helps you wind down a little easier. Your brain and body will thank you tomorrow morning.
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Depression and Guilt & Shame

By Daniel Crosby • October 6, 2025
Depression + Guilt and Shame "I just hate telling my friends and family how I feel because I feel like such a burden. I’m sure they’re sick of hearing about it by now." One of the lies depression tells us is that we have to carry this thing by alone because no one else wants to help. Guilt and shame are the heaviest lies that we tend to carry but we fight lies with the truth: • Feelings aren’t always facts – Just because you feel like a burden doesn’t mean you are one. That’s what we in the biz call a cognitive distortion — your mind is offering its opinion as fact. • Asking for help is strength, not weakness – When my mom said, “Y’all come help me carry in the groceries,” I never thought she was weak. When we love each other asking for and receiving help should go both ways. It’s an honor to help not a burden. • Treat yourself like you’d treat a friend – If someone you loved felt the way you do, you wouldn’t tell them to keep it to themselves. You’d listen, support, and remind them they matter. You would even be mad at them for NOT telling you. You deserve the same. Homework: Identify your 3am friends. These are people you could call at 3am and they’d come running with no questions asked. If you don’t have any 3am people, then go back and read the post about finding the # 1 Symptom of Depression. It’s time to start building those connections.