60 Second Recap - Fix Me First
Daniel Crosby • August 30, 2024
2. Fix Me First

“It’s all his fault that we are…”

“If she would just stop….then…”

These are the most unproductive conversations I hear from couples. They are defensive conversations between two adversaries.

Dr. John Gottman said that “Defensiveness” is a sign that a marriage is in trouble. He says the antidote to defensiveness is “Taking responsibility.”
(“The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” – Gottman 1999)

If pridefulness is the #1 killer of marriage, then humility might be the thing that saves yours.

Everyone has negative contributions that they’ve made to the relationship whether intentionally or not. Fix yourself first.

3 Ways to “Fix Me First”:

1. Diffuse the bomb
If you are so hurt that just the sight of your spouse makes you want to throw down, you need to go calm down. Go for a walk/run/hike. Vent to a friend. Fix your volatile emotions before proceeding.

2. Administer First Aid
Go talk to a counselor who can help you address your side of the hurt. You getting help from an unbiased person might be the 1st step in healing your marriage.

3. Do heart surgery
Ask yourself the deep questions, “What am I negatively contributing to this problem?” “What is she telling me that could be right?” “Why is this issue so important to me and is it worth it?”

It’s Go Time:
Which one of the above are you ready to commit to? #1, #2, or #3? Go do that one today.

Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. 

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