Blog Layout
Help Heal My Marriage - 7. Reestablish Safety
Daniel Crosby • October 1, 2024
7. Reestablish Safety
One of the most pivotal steps to healing a struggling marriage is reestablishing safety. When I say “safety” I typically mean emotional safety. If you’re hitting and throwing things at one another then we have bigger problems to address.
Emotional safety lets us both let down our guards and become our real selves again. Without emotional safety, we can’t have healing conversations because we’re still having survival conversations.
The challenge is you may be the one who should act first. If you become safe for your spouse they may slowly begin to let down their guard as well.
Here are 3 ways to show your spouse that you are safe:
1. Validation
Find a point in your spouse’s argument that you can agree with and tell them that. Let them know that you see their point on that part of the argument.
2. Transparency
Be open and honest. Go first in showing them the evidence they’re asking for. Go above and beyond to let them see all your cards in the argument.
3. Consistency
Keeping a small promise creates emotional safety because your spouse will begin to be able to count on you again. Small things grow into bigger things, good and bad.
It’s Go Time:
In your latest “spirited discussion” what is a point that you partner was trying to make that you can go to them and tell them you agree on? It’s a start!
Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
"Growth and Comfort Don't Coexist" The scariest thing about getting uncomfortable is doing it alone. I want to offer you a safe judgement free zone to say the uncomfortable things out loud. If you're uncomfortable with your lack of growth then come see me and we'll dig into it together. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com
“My Life and Work” by Henry Ford is the autobiography by the famed automaker. Yes, that Ford, like the one in your driveway. Why read this one? One, I’m obsessed with learning. Two, I read things that are interesting to me. Three, I want to be successful and not waste this life God gave me. One way I can succeed is from learning from interesting people who succeeded in the past. Success is relative, and while I don’t want to start a car company, I do want my life to have an impact in some way. Henry Ford’s life and work were fascinating. Three things I learned: 1. Ford had an attitude of persistence. He kept going until he found what worked. Setbacks are not failures, just opportunities to try again. 2. Ford knew that people mattered. While known for his radical and maybe even perfectionistic efficiency when it came to inventing the assembly line, he never lost sight of the value that individual workers have in making that system work. 3. Ford believed in service above profit. He knew that if he gave the customer a good product at a fair price and treated them well then the profits would take care of themselves. What all could we accomplish if we simply lived and worked by those 3 principles?
Here's the antidote to numbing, self medicating, and distraction. It's simple. Connection If that antidote is to painful for you, you might want to come chat with me. Together we can make sense of what is getting in your way. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com
