Help Heal My Marriage! - 4. Keep It Positive
Daniel Crosby • September 10, 2024
4. Keep it Positive
If someone said 99 good things to me and 1 critical thing, I would obsess about that critical thing all day.
We are wired to look for the threat, the problem, the negative. It’s part of our survival instinct.
The problem is that the world constantly throws negativity at us too. Bosses, social media, and even our kids are telling us things we are screwing up.
Negativity hurts, especially from the person who should be our biggest cheerleader, our spouse.
That’s why we must try to keep it POSITIVE.
Sometimes we need to correct, but our communications should be far more weighted toward the positive than the negative.
Try a ratio of 5 positives for every 1 negative
3 Ways to Keep it Positive:
1. GratitudeKeep a gratitude journal about your spouse and write down the things you like most about them. If your spouse was a terrible person, you never would have said “I do.” Recall all those things you admire about them.2. Catch Them WinningNotice your spouse doing something that pleases you and point out that they did a good job. We often notice good things but never say them aloud. Make it a habit of speaking it when you see it.3. MannersSay “Please” and “Thank you.” You’d be amazed at how this common courtesy can diffuse a tense household.
It’s Go Time:
Secretly, for one week write down 3 different things each day you saw your spouse doing well. At the end of the week read them all 21 things. Watch them smile!
Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know.
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