Retreat - When to Step Back from Anxiety (2 Minute Read)
Daniel Crosby • October 23, 2023

We already said that sometimes we need to push past DISCOMFORT and not let it keep us from doing what is right and good for us.


Other times it may be healthier to RETREAT from the situation that is provoking our anxiety. I use the word RETREAT because it is temporary. We RETREAT now so we can charge forward later.


Here are 4 times when RETREATING from anxiety is the better option:


1. PROMOTING SELF-CARE: Retreating from anxiety can be a form of self-care. Some companies are beginning to require that their employees use up their vacation every year rather than save it. They know that to be at our best we need to get away sometimes. After vacation, we reenter the work world ready to press on.


2. PROBLEM-SOLVING: Retreating from anxiety temporarily can lead to improved problem-solving skills when you return to address the issues with a clearer mind. My 3rd grade teacher gave us a word search to do one day but I couldn’t find that last stinkin’ word. She said, “Just put it down and come back to it later and you’ll find that last word.” She was right! It was right there staring me in the face!


3. PREPARATION: Retreating can be a healthy timeout before intentionally confronting a stressful situation. If I know I’m going to have a particularly stressful day, I prepare. I watch my favorite relaxing show the night before, get to bed on time, and eat a healthy dinner and breakfast. Arguing with your daughter about the length of her skirt then slamming 3 cups of coffee and a Big Mac right before a big job interview probably isn’t going to improve your performance.


4. PEOPLE: Retreating to connect with friends, family, or a good counselor during anxious periods can provide comfort and understanding, which can help alleviate anxiety. Safe people can recharge us so we can step back into the fray and fight more effectively. Just like your phone, you’re at your best when you’re plugged in, connected, and have a full charge.


All 4 of these should be done intentionally and with a plan. We’re NOT burying our head in the sand or avoiding. We’re strategically retreating so we can live to fight better another day.


HOMEWORK:

Go back to your list of anxiety struggles. Which ones so you need to keep pressing in on and which ones should you temporarily retreat from? Make a note of which is which. Come up with a plan for and put a time limit on your retreat items for when you will reengage.


Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know.

Rebuilding Trust - Level 2 - Substitute Trust

By Daniel Crosby • March 3, 2026
Level 2: Substitute Trust At this stage, trust is still really shaky. Many betrayed partners say, “Show me. I need proof. I want to see your phone, your location, your actions.” Think of Substitute Trust like a cast on a broken bone. It’s not a replacement for bone itself, but it holds the bone in place while it heals. When transparency is offered voluntarily it tells the injured partner, “You don’t have to chase the truth. I’m bringing it to you.” When a hurting person has to demand transparency, it causes more distrust and paranoia. For the betrayed partner, the goal is not to eliminate fear it’s to reduce chaos. Proof can bring relief, but it’s important to notice when checking becomes a way to regulate anxiety rather than restore connection. Substitute trust should support healing, not replace it. This stage works best when both partners understand that transparency is not punishment. It protects the relationship, emotional safety, and gives us momentum to keep growing. Over time the need for constant proof should slowly decrease, not because you’re forcing yourself to stop checking, but because your nervous system no longer needs it as much. For the partner who caused the harm: Practice radical transparency. Voluntarily offer proof rather than waiting to be asked. C onsistency matters more than one-time disclosures. For the betrayed partner: Use transparency as a temporary support for safety, not a permanent way to regulate anxiety or gain certainty. Be honest about whether the proof you seek is truly helping or becoming a crutch.

Rebuilding Trust - Level 1b - Self-Trust

By Daniel Crosby • February 24, 2026
Level 1b: Self-Trust After betrayal, many people don’t just lose trust in their partner, they lose trust in THEMSELVES. “Did I miss the signs?” “Was I naive?” “Can I ever trust my own judgment again?” Rebuilding self-trust is not about becoming fearful or suspicious of everyone. It’s about reconnecting with your perceptions, instincts, and internal signals and learning to respect them again. Maybe you sensed something was off but talked yourself out of it to preserve the relationship or the family. That doesn’t mean you’re bad it means you were trying to do the right thing and ended up getting bit. This level runs through EVERY stage of trust rebuilding. Even as your partner becomes more consistent, your work is to begin to listen to your inner self again. When self-trust grows, you’re no longer relying entirely on your partner’s behavior to feel safe. You begin to carry safety inside yourself again. For the partner who caused the harm: Be patient. Support your partner in regaining confidence in their own feelings and reality. Avoid defensiveness, minimizing, or anything that resembles gaslighting. For the betrayed partner: Practice trusting your instincts and emotional responses. Recall times when you listened to your gut well. Reestablish what you will and will not accept in a relationship and honor those boundaries consistently.

Rebuilding Trust - Level 1 - Fractured Trust

By Daniel Crosby • February 17, 2026
Level 1: Fractured Trust After a betrayal trust shattered. People in this level say, “Everything feels broken. I don’t know if I can ever trust again.” That makes sense, because betrayal doesn’t just hurt your heart; it disrupts your sense of reality and safety. But you’re still here; still considering what repair might look like. The fact that you haven’t walked away entirely says there’s a part of you that hopes healing might be possible. Level 1 is not about forgiveness or resolution. It’s not about moving on. It’s about honesty, stabilization, and finding safety again. This is also a time to avoid impulsive emotional decisions. You don’t have to decide the future today. You just have to survive today and take good care of yourself. You don’t have to know yet whether trust can be rebuilt. Right now, the only question is: Can we create enough safety for healing to begin? And that… is a powerful place to start. For the partner who caused the harm: Acknowledge the pain without defending, minimizing, or explaining it away. DO NOT SAY: “I didn’t mean to,” or “It wasn’t that bad,” or “You’re overreacting.” SAY THIS: “I see the damage. I take responsibility. I’m willing to repair.” Your tone, attitude, and consistency matter more than your words right now. For the betrayed partner: Your work is not to “get over it,” but to let the pain be real without letting it control your life. Try not to distract or numb yourself to the point that you can’t feel anything. This is where trusted friends, a good therapist, or a pastor can come alongside you to help.