Blog Layout

60 Second Marriage Recap - Walls and Windows
Daniel Crosby • October 18, 2024
9. Walls and Windows

In their book Not “Just Friends,” Glass and Staeheli talk about the concept of “Walls and Windows” in a marriage.

Picture a house with strong exterior walls to keep out invaders. That house is the marriage. Inside of that house each spouse has a separate room. Their room is their life and self-identity. Now picture a big window between the two spouses’ rooms. This is the healthy connection between the two where love and connection flow freely back and forth.

Now picture a struggling marriage where both spouses exchange their window for a wall between the two of them. Then picture one or both spouses putting in a window in the exterior wall where they can begin to exchange love and connection freely with others on the outside.

This is how marriages begin to erode and affairs can even begin.

3 Ways to Protect Your Walls and Windows:

1. Boundaries
Have a conversation with your spouse about what types of behaviors are acceptable or not acceptable within your relationship to protect it. For instance, “A husband might say that he feels uncomfortable with either of them having a casual 1-on-1 lunch with a coworker of the opposite sex. Keep the outside walls solid.

2. Vulnerability
If you’re struggling with beliefs, feelings, or behaviors you must let that information flow freely through the window to your spouse. They can’t know and change what you refuse to share. Keep the window clear and open.

3. Awareness
Regularly check on the window. Ask one another: “Do you feel like you can come to me with things? Are you feeling fulfilled with me?” 
Regularly check on the walls. Ask one another: “Are there any concerns you see in us lately that has weakened our walls? What outside forces are pressing in on us and trying to knock us down?”

Go Time:
Discuss this windows and walls concept from Glass and Staeheli together and think about how it may or may not apply to your marriage.

Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
By Daniel Crosby April 2, 2025
“My Life and Work” by Henry Ford is the autobiography by the famed automaker. Yes, that Ford, like the one in your driveway. Why read this one? One, I’m obsessed with learning. Two, I read things that are interesting to me. Three, I want to be successful and not waste this life God gave me. One way I can succeed is from learning from interesting people who succeeded in the past. Success is relative, and while I don’t want to start a car company, I do want my life to have an impact in some way. Henry Ford’s life and work were fascinating. Three things I learned: 1. Ford had an attitude of persistence. He kept going until he found what worked. Setbacks are not failures, just opportunities to try again. 2. Ford knew that people mattered. While known for his radical and maybe even perfectionistic efficiency when it came to inventing the assembly line, he never lost sight of the value that individual workers have in making that system work. 3. Ford believed in service above profit. He knew that if he gave the customer a good product at a fair price and treated them well then the profits would take care of themselves. What all could we accomplish if we simply lived and worked by those 3 principles?
By Daniel Crosby March 31, 2025
Here's the antidote to numbing, self medicating, and distraction. It's simple. Connection If that antidote is to painful for you, you might want to come chat with me. Together we can make sense of what is getting in your way. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com
By Daniel Crosby March 26, 2025
So if you work in corporate America and have to lead or attend meetings, then this book is a must read for you. Do yourself in those you work with a favor and read it today. If you have ever attended a meeting and thought to yourself, “I am bored out of my mind and this could have easily been done in a short email,” then read this book and you will be entertained. “Death by Meeting” by Patrick Lencioni is a phenomenal read. I love the way he writes because he takes what could’ve been a really boring step-by-step business book and he creates a narrative fable in which he teaches us. As I was reading the book, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Yep, that’s why those meetings were so terrible for all those years.” And when I say that, I am pointing a finger back at myself because I helped lead some of those meetings. Most people don’t want to change and most people like the status quo in their comfort. Changing the way you do meetings at your organization is going to create some friction and take some work, but the reward for it on the other end might blow your mind. If you don’t know what to do, then start by picking this book up and learning while being entertained by “Death by Meeting” by Patrick Lencioni.
Share by: