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Help Heal My Marriage - 11. Christian Expectations in Marriage
Daniel Crosby • October 29, 2024
11. Christian Expectations in Marriage
I read a delightfully painful book a few years ago by Gary Thomas called “Sacred Marriage.”
It made me do some real soul searching. His idea is that maybe God created marriage NOT to make us HAPPY all the time, but to make us more HOLY, to make us more like Him.
In my relationship with God, I often don’t communicate with Him very well, I get mad at Him when He doesn’t do what I want, I cheat on Him with things that I deem more worthy of my attention, and then I come crawling back when those things don’t fulfill me.
What if your marriage was like that? Would you stick with it?
God’s idea for Christian marriage is that we can practice, in just a tiny way, the love He has given us. His challenge is thus: “Daniel, do you see how I respond to you when you aren’t a great bride in our relationship? I still love you anyway don’t I? Now go and do that with your wife.”
Go Time:
No steps this time. This is more about a change in posture or philosophy. Lean into your spouse with grace and humility not with pridefulness and judgement. What if you loved them in spite of those little flaws that drive you nuts, recognizing that you have some of your own? See why reading that book stung a little?
Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
12. Judgement vs Acceptance I had to go to court last week. (Maybe I should mention that I wasn’t the one in trouble.) No one was there because they wanted to be. We were there because something bad had happened. There’s that tension where we know that eventually the judge is going to seal our fate and past judgement. GUILTY! In your marriage, have you created an atmosphere in which you are passing JUDGEMENT or one of ACCEPTANCE? Judgement creates fear and distrust. Judgement will push them further away. Acceptance creates vulnerability and safety. Acceptance draws people nearer. 3 Ways to Increase Acceptance: 1. Celebrate Differences Embrace and appreciate the differences between you and your partner. Instead of focusing on how you’re different or how you clash, highlight and celebrate these differences as strengths. 2. Respect Boundaries Understanding and respecting these boundaries helps to build trust and shows that you value each other's autonomy and individuality. 3. Practice Forgiveness Acknowledging mistakes, both yours and your partner’s, can create an environment where both people feel safe to be themselves without fear of harsh judgment. Go Time: The Verdict: “We the jury find this marriage…..” How would you and your partner answer that question? Guilty/Not guilty? Depending on how you answered, it might be time to have a conversation about what to do next. Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
12. Judgement vs Acceptance I had to go to court last week. (Maybe I should mention that I wasn’t the one in trouble.) No one was there because they wanted to be. We were there because something bad had happened. There’s that tension where we know that eventually the judge is going to seal our fate and past judgement. GUILTY! In your marriage, have you created an atmosphere in which you are passing JUDGEMENT or one of ACCEPTANCE? Judgement creates fear and distrust. Judgement will push them further away. Acceptance creates vulnerability and safety. Acceptance draws people nearer. 3 Ways to Increase Acceptance: 1. Celebrate Differences Embrace and appreciate the differences between you and your partner. Instead of focusing on how you’re different or how you clash, highlight and celebrate these differences as strengths. 2. Respect Boundaries Understanding and respecting these boundaries helps to build trust and shows that you value each other's autonomy and individuality. 3. Practice Forgiveness Acknowledging mistakes, both yours and your partner’s, can create an environment where both people feel safe to be themselves without fear of harsh judgment. Go Time: The Verdict: “We the jury find this marriage…..” How would you and your partner answer that question? Guilty/Not guilty? Depending on how you answered, it might be time to have a conversation about what to do next. Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
11. Christian Expectations in Marriage I read a delightfully painful book a few years ago by Gary Thomas called “Sacred Marriage.” It made me do some real soul searching. His idea is that maybe God created marriage NOT to make us HAPPY all the time, but to make us more HOLY, to make us more like Him. In my relationship with God, I often don’t communicate with Him very well, I get mad at Him when He doesn’t do what I want, I cheat on Him with things that I deem more worthy of my attention, and then I come crawling back when those things don’t fulfill me. What if your marriage was like that? Would you stick with it? God’s idea for Christian marriage is that we can practice, in just a tiny way, the love He has given us. His challenge is thus: “Daniel, do you see how I respond to you when you aren’t a great bride in our relationship? I still love you anyway don’t I? Now go and do that with your wife.” Go Time: No steps this time. This is more about a change in posture or philosophy. Lean into your spouse with grace and humility not with pridefulness and judgement. What if you loved them in spite of those little flaws that drive you nuts, recognizing that you have some of your own? See why reading that book stung a little? Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
